As of lately, I've felt A tremendous amount of pressure.
Family. Friends. Strangers. Neighbors.
Asking THE question...
Are we going to have ANOTHER baby?
YES.
When you ask?
We arn't sure.
WHY?
I am scared.
YES.
When you ask?
We arn't sure.
WHY?
I am scared.
You see, pre Landyn, I always wanted a BIG family.
HUGE! My own football team. Well kind of.
after 9 months of complete pregnancy H***,
(for lack of a better word)
I reconsidered.
My pregnancy with Landyn wasn't a fun one.
Granted I got a beautiful healthy baby girl out of the deal,
but I was SICK.
SICK as in, couldn't eat ANYTHING,
No relief from nausea,
SICK.
And I'm not talking 1st trimester morning sickness...
9 LONG months SICK.
My house SHUT down,
My work suffered (I was still working full time)
I had to practically DRAG myself into work each day.
Anything I looked at made me queasy.
Smells.
People.
Cars.
Music.
Markets.
FOOD.
I was not pleasant to be around.
I still apologize to my hubby and THANK him for putting up with me.
My co workers thought I had been taken over by EVIL.
I was mean!
Moody.
I wanted EVERYONE to feel sorry for me.
My Doctor put me on nausea medicine
Did it work?
Hardly.
My birth story was scary too...
to go in thinking you are having an epidural,
but end up having to go AL NATURAL,
I'm Terrified!!
I'm scared this will all happen again.
How will I keep up with a BUSY toddler while SICK?
I'm scared to death of having 2 babies!
I'm scared of the NEWBORN days,
and the up all nights.
I'm scared for it to not be "just the 3 of us".
I'm scared I'll never have ME time (selfish I know).
I'm scared my relationships will suffer.
I'm scared I won't manage.
But I'll tell you what....
Getting handed THIS beautiful creation makes it ALL worth it.
A love NO ONE or NOTHING can prepare you for.
And THAT alone will get me thru #2.
Stay Tuned...
I leave you with ME pregnant photos.
There's not too many of them in the books but here's a few:
6 months pregnant at Disney Land. Trying my best to SMILE.
8 months pregnant at my work baby shower
Did it work?
Hardly.
My birth story was scary too...
to go in thinking you are having an epidural,
but end up having to go AL NATURAL,
I'm Terrified!!
I'm scared this will all happen again.
How will I keep up with a BUSY toddler while SICK?
I'm scared to death of having 2 babies!
I'm scared of the NEWBORN days,
and the up all nights.
I'm scared for it to not be "just the 3 of us".
I'm scared I'll never have ME time (selfish I know).
I'm scared my relationships will suffer.
I'm scared I won't manage.
But I'll tell you what....
Getting handed THIS beautiful creation makes it ALL worth it.
A love NO ONE or NOTHING can prepare you for.
And THAT alone will get me thru #2.
Stay Tuned...
I leave you with ME pregnant photos.
There's not too many of them in the books but here's a few:
6 months pregnant at Disney Land. Trying my best to SMILE.
8 months pregnant at my work baby shower
9 months. At the hospital being induced
I'm with ya lady. I got sick almost every day of my pregnancy. I think the shell shock has finally wore off and I'm ready for number two. HAHA
ReplyDeleteThis is such an honest and amazing post. I don't think you should feel like you need to have another. loads of people only have one child and they are happy and healthy and smart! you were an adorable pregnant lady (love your gucci bag) and i'm sure when you and the hubs are ready, God will bless your family and bless you with the strength and courage for the sleepless nights! and hopefully for a easier pregnancy :)
ReplyDeleteThis pictures are so precious! God bless your family.
ReplyDeleteHomeowner Insurance
I hear ya! I was only pregnant the first 4 months, but I threw up at least 15 times a day during those months and lost 15 pounds before I finally started gaining weight in the 2nd tri. I'm ready for number two when it happens, I just pray that I won't be so sick next time around! I can't imagine chasing after my SUPER active 3 year old while throwing up every 20 minutes.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I totally understand where you are coming from. I didn't have nasea all pregnancy, just the 1st trimester but I did have low iron which made me dizzy and was so swollen I had a man nose, man hands and a back and neck full of acne. People asked me all the time if I was having him "any day" at 6 months or was I "having twins". Then I never dialated after 2 days of trying to induce me and THEN had to have a c-section, then he went into the ICU...can you say trauma! I think we have good reason to be leary. People say every pregnancy is different. I hope so! I think we will try again in late November. If you do, I will be here with all my support!!
ReplyDeleteThose are all the same reasons I'm terrified to have ONE baby!!!
ReplyDeleteI feel ya Lindsay. Thanks for your honesty.
You are beautiful. :)
All very justified reasons and even without all those issues pregnancy and newborns are SCARY! I have three children and with the second and third as soon as I walked into the hospital I said to my husband, "What the hell did we do?!!!" I was terrified each time but . . . I don't regret a thing. You'll know when it's time again. :)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about being scared. On the other hand, I had a great pregnancy and delivery. However, knowing every pregnancy is different, I'm scared to have a bad one. I also work full time, and to think of taking care of a newborn right now is extremely hard for me to imagine. My son will be 4 in May, and as of now there are no definite plans for another......
ReplyDeleteI hear pregnancy H@#$! I was there too. I lost weight for the first part of my pregnancy. My biggest concern is missing out on the life of my baby girl when I have a newborn. Everyone tells me though that you love the next as much as you loved the first so I like you will likely endure H@#$ again! Good luck...hopefully this one will be better than last time! :)
ReplyDeleteyour blog is so much fun! my sister and I just started a blog
ReplyDeletetrulie-scrumptious.blogspot.com
We'd love any comments or tips on having a fabulous blog like yours!
You take your time sweet girl!! This time with Landyn is special and once you add in that next baby the time isn't the same. Soak up this time and you will know when and IF you are ready for a next time.
ReplyDeleteHugs girly!!
I get those same questions ALL THE TIME... Hmm, my first is only 10 months.. really people?!?!! :0)
ReplyDeleteIt will happen when it happens... when it's right for you, and your sweet family. Scary I know, but your such a wonderful mama to Landyn, You'll be GREAT!
Beautiful pictures.
Beautiful post Linds!! I love seeing your preggo pictures- you looked great (even though you may not have felt it!).
ReplyDeleteI want you to have another one!!!! You and Chris make great babies!!!! Miss you!
ReplyDeleteLovely post Lindsay - I know where you are coming from with the I Hate Being Pregnant Syndrome! You need a good plan - a plan that means Landyn is well look after, you are well looked after and hubby is well look after - get help, get support, get food delivered and don't worry about too much else for 9 months. Just think how lovely it will be once you have finished having babies and you don't have to worry about that again! I am at the other end now and I can say it is lovely to be here! Leanne xx
ReplyDeletewhat a great post girly. Pregnancy is super hard! but you are one amazing mom--and hello! i love these picts--you are so flippin cute!
ReplyDeleteI am with you! I threw up 8 hrs a day at least even through delivery. It is trying! Thinking of doing that with a little one around is SO scary! Don't feel pressured!! When it is time, it is time... until then! Tell them to have their own babies!! When it is time, ask for help... do what you need to do to be comfortable!
ReplyDeleteLook at your cute tiny belly. LOVING IT!!!! Remember every pregnancy is different, so you may just feel better next time around. Also, at least you have some frame of reference now. My first pregnancy was easy peasy, my second one, not so much. It wasn't as bad as your case, but it can be difficult to be pregnant with a crazy toddler boy at your heels. I am sure your little girl will be helpful. Girls like to help their mommies. God will let you know when it is time. I hope the next one is a breeze. You deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI love how open and honest you are! I soo love your blog and you are sooo real!
ReplyDeleteYou were so little with Landyn!
Remember not all pregnancies are the same, this time around it may be peaches and creme!
xoxo
Ohhhh Lindsay!!! This is SO NORMAL!!! As you know I got pregnant with Ginger when Milton was just 5 months old.YIKES! I will admit we really wanted more kids but not exactly that soon. She was a very happy surprise:) And honestly I'm glad she was because I didn't even have to think about it. SHe just arrived but I also of course had all the same fears. I was terrified I wouldn't be able to do it and at times didn't think I could. At first I felt paralyzed But you just learn and adapt and once they arrive you love them just as much as your first! You can do it friend. Don't think about it too much. Just let it come and you naturally will find your rhythym I promise!
ReplyDeleteOh Lindsay! I can only imagine how hard it would be to want to be pregnant again! I feel icky the first trimester, and it is dreadful, but the whole preganancy?! That would be so difficult to go into. I have heard that for some, the pregnancies can be very different from the next.
ReplyDeleteBut don't let your fears prevent you from great things in life. God always proves that through the greatest sufferings can come the greatest joys...like your little Landyn! Hugs and prayers! I know it will turn out well!
I love reading your honest and open posts and getting to know you more! :) (don't get me wrong, I love your giveaways too! ;)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Hanna. When it happens all of the fears and anxieties from before will be overshadowed by the immense happiness! :)
Have I told you how much I'm loving all of your posts lately? So meaningful, open, honest and deeply touching. I was sick with all my babies. I see 2 more babies in your future...Maybe all girls =)))
ReplyDeleteI'm new to your blog (thanks to the girl creative) and I'm already amazed by your open honesty. You write with a lovely, defined voice, by the way!
ReplyDelete(also, I get being scared about kids--I'm scared to even have one sometime far away in the future. Your little one is beautiful, though!)
Ok, so here goes my list:
ReplyDeletea.) When is your daughter's b-day? I think our lil' ones are super-close in age! My Eva's is 5/18.
b.) and I was induced. How did you look so stinking cute right before you gave birth. Um .... not fair. I was a ridiculous mess. Oh wait, I was induced after STAYING in the hospital all night. Yuck.
c.) Why do pp always ask about the NEXT one. I always say, "I'm totally enjoying Eva now - we have our routine and I'm not even sure I want number 2." Yes, they look at me like, "WHAT!" but they stop asking. LOL
d.) I'm scared to death. My pregnancy was pretty easy until the last tri. I had low amniotic fluid and was put on bedrest. I'm pretty sure the low fluid is an age factor - I was 33. So what does that mean for number 2? I mean, I wish I were only getting younger.
e.) POOR THING - preggo nausea/sickness is the worst. I hope that when number two comes around, that the pregnancy is quite the opposite of your first! :)
Lovely post - it's totally ok to be 'real' in blogland!
Erin
Oh wait - doh! Your lil' doll is clearly like a year older than Eva. Need.coffee.IV. now.
ReplyDelete:)
I feel exactly the same way. I told my husband that I am going to have to take a shot (or 2) or tequila before we jump into the adventure of #2.
ReplyDeleteoh my gosh Lindsay! I got sick for about the first 15 weeks but can't imagine for 9 months! I will say every pregancy can be different! It is worth in the long run.;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing and being honest, motherhood scares me even more now that I've read this.:D
ReplyDelete9 months? Now, look at you, you were so tiny!:D
***** Marie *****
allthingsmarie.com
So sorry to hear that sweetie. Sound like you and Ashley has the same thing. I'm wishing you a sick free, fun and sweet 2nd time. They are so worth it.
ReplyDeletePS What a hunky hubby you have!
Happy SITS Day! That is such a hard decision to make when it makes you so sick. I can sympathize. My MIL who lived close never was sick with hers, so she wasn't a lot of help as she didn't realize what was needed. I must say though that the blessings that come for the many years ahead do make the 9 months of sickness and the couple years of sleeplessness worth it. I have 4 children, the oldest 12 and the youngest 4. I still don't get a lot of sleep, but they bring a lot of true joy.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous! And just a reminder (and I'm sure a zillion people have told you this)...every pregnancy is different. There's a very good chance that the second time around would be much more manageable!
ReplyDeleteBut you'll get no pressure from me. I think people should be allowed to live their lives in their own time.
Being sick the entire 9 months is no fun at all. That's how my last pregnancy was. However, it was my 6th baby, so 1 out of six pregnancies, I guess that isn't so bad. Maybe your next pregnancy you will feel great! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteDespite feeling like crap, does it help to know that you still looked beautiful during your pregnancy? The baby bump is the best accessory!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you are talking about - being sick all the time - I had 4 kids in 7 years and with each and everyone of them I was sick as a dog every single day. It was amazing to be able to deliver and meet them but I was also excited for the morning sickness to pass. Good Luck. Stopping by for your SITS day!
ReplyDeleteWow....that was one tough pregnancy you went through!! I can totally understand why you would be scared to get pregnant again. I've had friends go through the same thing and have those same feelings!! Hopefully your next pregnancy will be smoother in all aspects. You sure looked cute when you were going to be induced....no way I would have thought you were 9 months pregnant!! Those hospital pics are so precious too. I can only imagine the relief to finally have your precious bundle in your hands. Your daughter is beautiful. Good luck with your next pregnancy and remember the gift at the end:-)
ReplyDeleteMy babies are in their 30s now, but my second pregnancy was much like yours. I will tell you that each pregnancy was different. With my first I was sick a total of maybe three times. With my second I was sick every single day, including the day he was born. But, after he was born, I enjoyed the second baby's infancy so much more because I knew what to do and how to be a mommy. I was much less nervous.
ReplyDeleteThis is not the best of days for me to be commenting on this post, because I'm not going to be a bit of encouragement I don't think. I TOTALLY get where you're coming from, because I was scared of most of it all BEFORE ever being pregnant! That was one thing I could have lived life without JUST fine. We decided to adopt our first and I would have been okay never having experienced the whole pregnancy thing.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I decided we wanted to try to have a biological child. Didn't want our son to be an only. I don't think we'd have blinked an eye if we'd found out we couldn't conceive for some reason and went the adoption route again! I never experienced nausea, THANKFULLY. BUT our daughter decided to try to make an early entrance at 30 weeks. I was practically on bed rest for the last 8 weeks until she came at 38 weeks.
My doctor and I decided a c-section would be the best option for me. While it was NO fun, I can only imagine having had your experience and was terrified of having a similar experience. I said even before getting pregnant that if I did have a baby, I only wanted to do it once!
I must say I am glad to have experienced it once. Hearing her heartbeat, seeing her on the ultrasound, and feeling her move were incredible, one-in-a-lifetime type of experiences that I cherish. But if we add to our family in the future, it will be through adoption again! :)
Since this comment has so much private type of info... I will leave it anonymously.
(Visiting from SITS.)
I wasn't afraid until AFTER I got pregnant with my second. My first wasn't as bad as yours but, for me, the birthing was very traumatic.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't until I was well along into the pregnancy with my second that I started questioning my sanity. Lucky for me, my second was nothing like my first....a complete breeze.
Wow! I can't even imagine being sick for nine months! You are certainly a trooper!
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I loved your maternity wardrobe! Very stylish!
Cheers,
Kristina
I can completely identify - it's wonderful to have the baby, but the journey there can be a challenge! What a beautiful family, though. Awesome!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the scared. Mine was only 10 months old when I found out we were 2 months pregnant. I freaked out. What was I going to do with 2 babies????
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing what you manage when you know what beautiful baby you are going to get to hold in the end. And now I can't imagine anything else (but definitely stopping at 2 b/c all the drama we had while pregnant).
Happy SITS day!
These stories are why I'm scared to have ONE! I've been told you know when you're ready for another..it just sort of happens. Best of luck to you :)
ReplyDeleteYou looked absolutely fabulous pregnant, which is a plus since you felt like crap ;)
ReplyDeleteI understand a little of what you were saying from personal experience. I've always wanted my own football team as well! And going through pretty bad sickeness for half of my pregnancy I wasn't sure if I could make it through again - as for birth I went into it thinking I was going all natural and ended up having a c section which was just as traumatic I'm sure. Just b.c you aren't emotionally ready for what comes next.
I agree also that being a Momma is the best thing ever and holding a newborn baby does something for your heart that you can't put into words.
Here's to hoping both of our second pregnancies are completely different and WAY better than the first ones with healthy babies as a bonus at the end of it all! :)
Congrats on your SITS Day! I am also kind of terrified to have a baby #2 :-)
ReplyDeleteHappiest SITS Day to you! Already a happy follower ( -:
ReplyDeleteMalia
Good for you! This is a beautiful post. I think women feel so much pressure to talk and act as if pregnancy and motherhood are one big bliss-fest. I think you're saying what many women feel.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar first pregnancy, so sick that I didn't gain any weight until I was six months along. Sick the whole time. I was scared. My first-born was a high-maintenance toddler. Super active. I was terrified, too.
ReplyDeleteMy second pregnancy was so much better. The nausea let up after the first trimester. And my second child was so calm. Adding her to my first wasn't such a big deal after all.
Good luck! I just wanted you to know it can work out. When you're ready.